WARNING: It's a long one. ;) And I realize it's transparent. Just can't help but think that maybe there is someone out there that needs to hear my story. We aren't ever alone.
These past couple weeks will forever be etched in my memory. They were weeks of intense joy, intense heartache, and the feeling of complete emptiness. As I look back over my life it's been a good one, a really good one. I have some of the most beautiful memories of a great childhood, I have a wonderful husband, and amazing kids! However, it is seasoned with tough events here and there, the memories of those times always come rushing in like a flood when I hear certain songs, smell certain fragrances or think of certain people. The memories still bring a sting when they come to visit. Friends passing in high school, PawPaw passing away, hearing for the first time that my Dad had cancer, miscarriage 1, miscarriage 2, ectopic pregnancy 1, and currently ectopic pregnancy 2.
Life can certainly offer some tough blows. Some of the seasons start bad but end well. For example, hearing the words "cancer" and "dad" in the same sentence left me barely able to stand for a few moments. The blow was hard, but the outcome was miraculous. Dad is cancer free to this day and has hiked the entire AT since his battle. I know, he's amazing. So is God. We prayed, and prayed and asked for God to do this thing and He did it. He's just that good.
Some of the other tough blows life gives start out bad, and let's face it they end just as bad if not worse. For example, I don't know why young people die. You expect older people to pass, but not kids. Even my PawPaw, he was older, but he was also a faithful preacher man. Stomach cancer had it's way with him, and he is ultimately healed in the presence of Jesus- it just wasn't how I wanted it done, nor how I thought it should be done. Guess that's why I am not the one holding the "pen" of my life.
You see I've entrusted the "pen" of my life to God. It's a tiny little pen, in a massive, strong hand. The most wonderful part of it is that of all the amazing authors I have read over time, He is the best. God's stories are beautiful. They are full of such great joy, and such great sorrow. As with any author when they are writing a story- He knows what's coming next. It never takes Him by surprise. As the main character in this beautiful novel He is writing sometimes I feel like I should have a say, you know, determine how certain situations will end. However, since I have entrusted Him with the pen, I have to trust Him with every situation that I face.
It all started the beginning of May when my female enemy decided to not show up for her monthly visit. An overwhelming sense of excitement flooded my heart because I just knew what was up...
Deep breath...
Take the test...
Wait for result...
Double lines...
Squeal with excitement...
Panic a nano second because I have to give birth again...
Excitement returns...
Call my sister!
That's pretty much how that joyous moment played out. D and I were on the fence about wanting a 4th bambino and although this caught us by surprise it was good confirmation that 3 was just not enough for us! We were thrilled.
We have had our last two babies here at home so the usual way of doing things is waiting until I am about 10 weeks along and calling my midwife up to schedule an appointment. This go round we were so anxious to start announcing I thought an early ultrasound would be fun. I am able to schedule early ultrasounds because of having an ectopic in the past, I am considered at higher risk. We made our appointment and on Wednesday headed to the doctors office first thing. What turned out to be one of the hardest parts of the day...we decided to take the kids along. You may be wondering if I regret that decision, but I don't. I'll try to explain more of why as I go along.
I lay there on the table watching the screen and the look on the tech's face. I knew in my gut that something was off, I just couldn't open my mouth to ask what. I didn't want to hear what she had to say...so I just waited in silence. Finally, D spoke up and said, "So what should we be seeing? Because I'm not really seeing anything." That's when she answered, "Yeah, me either."
**heart sinks**
We waited for the doctor to talk to us, stressed, worried, scared, and trying to stay composed because the kids were there. Finally he came in and said it's one of two things- your dates are off, and you are earlier then you thought, or, it's an ectopic. There is no signs of a pregnancy in the uterus. The next few days were compiled of moments of faith and hope, and moments of sadness and fear. I relied a lot on my faith and scripture to get me through. It was day after day of HCG testing only to watch it rise, then fall, then very slowly start to rise again. The bleeding started on Friday night, but still no pain. By Monday I had had 4 doctors very sternly tell me that Methotrexate was the only obvious, smart way to proceed. I couldn't wrap my head around taking a chemo shot to terminate my pregnancy when they couldn't 100% tell me that it was ectopic. I mean what if I was just earlier then what I originally thought? I don't determine what lives and what dies. I'm not holding the pen. When it all began I know very clearly that God spoke to me and said "wait on ME". He had allowed me to become pregnant and He would have the final say on how this all played out.
My faith was strengthening day by day. I literally was living moment to moment, reminding myself of God's promises and that my faith is not in what I see. If I am completely honest, I just knew God was working a miracle. I couldn't wait to shout from the roof tops that the doctors wanted to terminate, but I waited on the Lord, and look what He did! There were moments that I was strong, and I feel so blessed because when the times came that I couldn't be strong D and my friends and family surrounded me and held me up. I've discovered that I have a fabulous support system, and for that I am beyond grateful.
Thursday evening I had intense pain come over me, and I knew we needed to head to the hospital. We called in our help and we headed on our way. I didn't know what was happening, I just prayed as I rode along. D was focused, and determined to get us where we needed to be- I found myself staring at him and the concern on his face. Another area of life that I am blessed in. He loves me deeply and I know it. We arrived and to make a long story short, I was in emergency surgery at 4 am. I had a significant amount of internal bleeding, and the doctor was beyond shocked that I was not in more pain then what I was. (My first ectopic was horrifically painful- I blacked out and don't even remember arriving at the hospital.) Totally an act of God there. I'm so thankful that He was merciful to me, and kept me right in the palm of His hand. During that surgery not only did they have to take our baby, but they also had to take my tube. Not exactly the way I would have written this story, but again- I'm not nearly the author that my heavenly father is. So I guess I write all this to say a few things: (let's see if I can narrow it down- my mind is so full and racing.)
1. I don't regret having my children walk through this process with me. It's ok for them to see D and I grieve. To know that we have feelings to, and sometimes things hurt, and we don't always understand. The true beauty is found in allowing them to watch us trust in and depend on God, fully. We've all heard we can allow situations to make us bitter or better. I always want to be better. I want to teach my kids that, too.
2. I don't regret not taking the Methotrexate. The decision of life and death is not in my hands. It's in God's. I trust Him fully with my life, and the life of my children, those born and those unborn. I refuse to be driven by fear rather then faith. I refuse to take matters into my own hands, and rob God of the chance to show His stuff. Methotrexate was never an option. You see those rapid growing cells weren't something bad like cancer- they were my baby. Doctors may say tissue, but to us, it had a name. We dreamed big dreams for that baby, and loved it immensely.
3. Yes, I still love God. Yes, I believe He does miracles. Yes, I know He does all things well. I am not of the mind set that God "took" my baby. God is good- however sin is in this world. We will have pain, we will have hard times, and we won't always understand why. I do know that nothing comes to me that hasn't already passed through His sovereign hands, and there is great comfort in that. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I did believe for a miracle, and I really did believe that it was going to happen. It didn't, and I don't understand. That's ok though, God doesn't owe me an explanation. I can just rest in His love and the wonderful promise that I will hold all my angel babies again one day. Heaven just gets sweeter and sweeter.
4. Yes, we still want another baby. We will try again. (and we will have fun trying!!! HA!) By the grace of God we will conceive and will carry out a healthy pregnancy. I figure if God has four, it's only fair that we do too. ;) If you want to know a secret, I am actually praying for twins! ...Don't tell D.
5. Our lives are much like the labor and delivery process, just when you think you can't take anymore you put forth one last push and you have a beautiful gift. Just like when silver meets the heat, the dross is removed and all that's left is pure and beautiful. These heated moments in our lives are opportunities to purge those yucky things inside. Moments to look within ourselves, and see what we are truly made of. I choose to live in victory. I choose to rise above. Depression has no place in my life. Fear has no place in my life. Self-pity, no place. It might be hard at times, but I know that God does all things well. I know that He is working, and writing and He is making something beautiful out of me. I don't always know the next step. I don't have to though. I trust Him. Completely.
6. Lastly, if you've lost babies to miscarriage or ectopic pregnancies, you've lost a child. No, you haven't held them in you arms- but from the moment you see that positive test you think of names, you dream dreams, and you imagine your belly growing full of life. Allow yourself time to grieve. It's ok to grieve. (I wish someone would have told me that a lot sooner!)
So here's the fun part...trying to resume life as normal. That's the thing about life's hard blows- other then your close friends and family, no one else was effected so life goes on as normal. I feel like I'm walking next to a moving sidewalk...everyone else is zooming along, and I'm coming along slowly. I'm not brave enough to step on that moving sidewalk yet, but I am still moving. The time will come and I'll get back on soon. After all there's so much more He is writing to this story of mine...
Lot of Love.
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Childhood Folly
What a week this has been! Forgive me because I am going to keep you all in suspense about why...annoying, huh? I'm sorry. Don't worry- when it's all figured out I will be writing a post in hopes to possibly help others along on this journey called life. Sometimes it throws some pretty ugly things at us, doesn't it? It doesn't always seem fair, but I am quickly learning it doesn't have to be. I am just beyond thankful for a wonderful husband that can hug me, pray over me, and compliment me right when I need it.
I'm also thankful for my kiddos of course. They make the hardest days easier. In fact just yesterday, we were all hanging out in the bathroom. You know, I am momma so I was on my throne and all the kids were just gathered around asking me all those questions that couldn't wait one second longer. D walked past the bathroom door and cut me the strangest look, he doesn't get it. He said to me, "You know, you can close the door." To which Ilovingly responded "You know, they can open closed doors." I don't know about you but our toilets have a sensor on the seat. As soon as you sit on it, it's like a dog whistle, only it's for kids. They hear it and they all come running. I'm still trying to figure out how to disable this cool feature...I'll let you know when I know in case you have one at your house too. Anyyywayyy, while we were all chilling there in the bathroom, M girl said "Mommy, you are so awesome. I'm really glad that you are our Mom. You don't yell at us as often as you could." I thought that was sweet, and I was also really glad that she is finally getting to the age where she can understand and appreciate the times I am merciful. I sometimes feel that I should have an "affirming team". You know a group of people to follow me around day to day, affirming me. Telling me simple things like, "Nah, you don't look fat in that!" or "You should eat that cupcake, because if you starve your body from fats it will just hold on to whatever else you eat." and "Way to go!! You held your tongue and didn't freak out!" I may start a sticker chart for myself so that D can see how self-controled I was through out my day...or possibly how much I lacked. Whateve's. I'm trying. All I am saying is that for what I deal with day in and day out- I really should get more recognition for not being bald and completely insane.
I read a book by (I believe) Dr. Dobson, and in it he talked about "childhood folly". I do my best on a daily basis to try and sort out the situations that arise. You see, he explains that there is a difference between disobedience and childhood folly. For example, if a child has their cup on the edge of the table, they reach for a biscuit and then knock their cup off the table with their elbow- it's a big mess to clean up, but it's childhood folly. They just aren't quite old enough to reason through what could happen to that drink on the edge of the table. So in this instance it's best to not yell (this is Dr. Dobson talking, ok? Don't get all defensive on me! I haven't perfected this by any means.) It's best to have them help you clean up the mess and then explain the importance of asking for someone to pass you something rather then reaching. Now- if siblings are grabbing and horsing at the table, and you have warned them that something may spill and they need to settle yet they continue to act up and the drink is spilled...that's another story! You canfreak out! Unleash your inner wild beast! then discipline them however you see fit. Time out, spanking, whateve's you wanna do.
Ok...did you get all that? It really was insightful when I read it, because honestly a lot of life's day to day messes are simply because of childhood folly. Sometimes they honestly just have an oops and I don't want to be impatient and merciless with my kids. I want to be loving and understanding, and tell them I make mistakes too. When I keep my cool, it's a bonding moment.
Don't get me wrong there are sometimes that as cute as they flippin' are- they are just rotten. Like when Lil Pip climbed up on the counter and got in the sugar canister and started tossing sugar over her head by the spoonfuls. NOT COOL, Pip. NOT COOL. She knew better. Wanna know the funny part to that story?? She looked at me dead in the eyes and said "Childhood folly?" I know right?! I made it very clear to her it wasn't folly...and I think she got the picture. Batman came in the room and said "Mommy, you do say childhood folly a lot to yourself." They don't know that by me reciting that over and over again, they are able to live to see another day. One day they will thank me. One day.
So I guess that's my advice for today...Momma's, when faced with day to day messes ask yourself, is this childhood folly? Do it before you freak out. It's a cool thing when you see the look of relief come across your kids faces when they think for sure you will lose it and you don't! :)
Oh! One more tip for the day. This one is for when you are showering while all your kids are running around your house unattended. If you hear them suddenly all start screaming and yelling and fighting, just yell out and ask if anyone is bleeding. If they aren't- don't rush. Just finish rinsing and take the few extra seconds to be thorough. If for some reason you don't listen to my advice and you get out of the shower quickly and start to brush your hair and find traces of left over conditioner...get back in the shower and try a re-rinse. Dried conditioner flakes, makes your scalp itch, and it makes your husband question your hygiene. Which let's face it...for those of us that stay home all day, it's already in question. We don't need the extra stress. If you don't listen to any of my above advice just make sure you always have a "mom hat" in your closet ready to go.
Here's a scripture for you too!
"But now, this is what the Lord says- He who created you and formed you, "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through fire, you will not be burned, the flames will not set you ablaze.""
Isaiah 43:1-2
Remember that no matter what you are up against, God created and formed you with His loving hands. You are His, and He will never leave or forsake you. The waters may seem deep but if you are walking with Him, He will not let them overtake you. He does all things well. Trust that. It's hard...I know first hand it is hard. But it's true.
Lots of Love!
"He knows just what to say to take a girl's breath away!" -Darla
I'm also thankful for my kiddos of course. They make the hardest days easier. In fact just yesterday, we were all hanging out in the bathroom. You know, I am momma so I was on my throne and all the kids were just gathered around asking me all those questions that couldn't wait one second longer. D walked past the bathroom door and cut me the strangest look, he doesn't get it. He said to me, "You know, you can close the door." To which I
I read a book by (I believe) Dr. Dobson, and in it he talked about "childhood folly". I do my best on a daily basis to try and sort out the situations that arise. You see, he explains that there is a difference between disobedience and childhood folly. For example, if a child has their cup on the edge of the table, they reach for a biscuit and then knock their cup off the table with their elbow- it's a big mess to clean up, but it's childhood folly. They just aren't quite old enough to reason through what could happen to that drink on the edge of the table. So in this instance it's best to not yell (this is Dr. Dobson talking, ok? Don't get all defensive on me! I haven't perfected this by any means.) It's best to have them help you clean up the mess and then explain the importance of asking for someone to pass you something rather then reaching. Now- if siblings are grabbing and horsing at the table, and you have warned them that something may spill and they need to settle yet they continue to act up and the drink is spilled...that's another story! You can
Ok...did you get all that? It really was insightful when I read it, because honestly a lot of life's day to day messes are simply because of childhood folly. Sometimes they honestly just have an oops and I don't want to be impatient and merciless with my kids. I want to be loving and understanding, and tell them I make mistakes too. When I keep my cool, it's a bonding moment.
Don't get me wrong there are sometimes that as cute as they flippin' are- they are just rotten. Like when Lil Pip climbed up on the counter and got in the sugar canister and started tossing sugar over her head by the spoonfuls. NOT COOL, Pip. NOT COOL. She knew better. Wanna know the funny part to that story?? She looked at me dead in the eyes and said "Childhood folly?" I know right?! I made it very clear to her it wasn't folly...and I think she got the picture. Batman came in the room and said "Mommy, you do say childhood folly a lot to yourself." They don't know that by me reciting that over and over again, they are able to live to see another day. One day they will thank me. One day.
So I guess that's my advice for today...Momma's, when faced with day to day messes ask yourself, is this childhood folly? Do it before you freak out. It's a cool thing when you see the look of relief come across your kids faces when they think for sure you will lose it and you don't! :)
Oh! One more tip for the day. This one is for when you are showering while all your kids are running around your house unattended. If you hear them suddenly all start screaming and yelling and fighting, just yell out and ask if anyone is bleeding. If they aren't- don't rush. Just finish rinsing and take the few extra seconds to be thorough. If for some reason you don't listen to my advice and you get out of the shower quickly and start to brush your hair and find traces of left over conditioner...get back in the shower and try a re-rinse. Dried conditioner flakes, makes your scalp itch, and it makes your husband question your hygiene. Which let's face it...for those of us that stay home all day, it's already in question. We don't need the extra stress. If you don't listen to any of my above advice just make sure you always have a "mom hat" in your closet ready to go.
Here's a scripture for you too!
"But now, this is what the Lord says- He who created you and formed you, "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through fire, you will not be burned, the flames will not set you ablaze.""
Isaiah 43:1-2
Remember that no matter what you are up against, God created and formed you with His loving hands. You are His, and He will never leave or forsake you. The waters may seem deep but if you are walking with Him, He will not let them overtake you. He does all things well. Trust that. It's hard...I know first hand it is hard. But it's true.
Lots of Love!
Friday, February 28, 2014
Spring Cleaning...ME.
I have had quite a few people ask me about this cleanse/diet that I am doing...so this post is dedicated to explaining everything that's been going on and why I am doing what I am doing!
So- for starters I am NOT a fan of "diets" so I was extremely skeptical when my mother in law pointed this particular one out to me. Since I am not a fan of the word or the concept, I am choosing to call this a "cleanse" because essentially that's what I am doing. Some spring cleaning! Monday, I hurled myself into the pits of hell (ok, maybe I am exaggerating- but the first few days were terrible!!) and I started Dr. Oz's 2 week rapid weight loss diet. Don't turn your nose up at the name like I first did...bear with me. So here are my reasons for even giving this a try.
#1- I am overweight. Whether I like to admit it or not, and no matter what my friends and family may say, I am heavier then I care to be. I desire a more fit, toned, and trim me. Therefore, I knew I needed to do something, I just needed to find the will power to do it.
#2- I am dealing with horrible stomach issues. I have always semi suffered in this area, but this past year has just been terrible. I am nauseous all day every day, which requires me to lay down on the couch for short periods sometimes as many as 6 or 7 times a day just to get through. It's worse in the evenings which results in me missing out on awesome family time because I am in the bathroom and hugging a bucket. Every. Single. Night. Folks. It's beyond old. I was first diagnosed with acid reflux- which we now know is not the case. I am still undergoing tests to try and locate a problem (so i'm not necessarily looking for diagnosis on this post. :p) but in the meantime I have honestly been praying about what I can do to help, since there doesn't seem to be any obvious triggers. When I read over this "cleanse" I thought to myself- "What a great chance to discipline myself to eat clean, and cut out all the junk." So...I went to the store, bought everything I would need and got started.
So here is a sneak peek into my day, generally speaking.
7 am- Wake UP
8 am- Sip on a cup of hot water with a 1/2 of lemon
Drink my breakfast shake (recipe is on Dr. Oz website)
Take multi vitamin and probiotic
10:30 am- Snack (usually a fresh veggie, cucumber, pepper, carrots, etc. with
plain hummus.)
1:00 pm- HUGE salad with fresh veggies, avocado, and balsamic vinaigrette.
3:30 pm- Handful of nuts, a cup of vegetable broth
5:30 pm- 6 oz protein, 1/2 cup of brown rice and unlimited low glycemic
veggies. (veggie list is on Dr. Oz website)
7:00 pm- 1 cup of plain greek yogurt.
Drink Green Tea (unsweetened) and water throughout the day.
Nothing to eat after 8 pm.
That's the jist. I switch the veggies up day to day, and try to get creative with my dinner. Tonight I am going to attempt spaghetti squash with seasoned chicken, sauteed mushrooms, zucchini, and onion on top. It's all about change. I can't eat a salad everyday for the next 2 weeks or so. I just can't.
So here's what I am finding:
I have not been sick since I started eating this way! Which tells me- I am allergic to something I am taking in on a day to day basis.
I have lost 4 pounds!
Win-Win if you ask me.
This is not saying that I will never treat myself to a "sweet treat" every now and then or any of that. I just know that it will not kill me to eat this way for a couple weeks, and really even a lifetime. It's amazing how when we eat clean, we feel sooooo much better. Now that I am on day 5 it is starting to get a bit easier. I won't lie those first couple of days were awful. I mean terrible. I was going through sugar withdrawls like crazy. For those of you who know me personally, you know how much I LOVE my coffee. Like to the tune of almost a whole pot a day...yeah, I haven't had any all week, but my energy levels are so much better. To boot- my sleep is amazing! Bye-bye insomnia and hello, I am ready to crash by 9:30pm! Over all I am feeling so amazing.
Now can I get a little spiritual on you? Another reason I did this was basically just for the self-discipline. I think it's good for us to deny ourselves things from time to time, just to remind ourselves that we don't have to have everything we want. Nor is everything we want, good for us. I was quite crabby the first few days, because I was fiening for chocolate, a cheeseburger, and coffee. It was a battlefield up in my mind, let me tell ya!! I was telling myself all sorts of things to convince myself I didn't need to make these changes- but I overcame!! Really and truly self indulging (on a daily basis) is a lack of self control...isn't that a fruit of the spirit? It may not feel good, but I have to make myself deny myself. Does that make sense? Here's a couple of my go to verses:
“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline,” -2 Timothy 1:7.
“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace...gentleness and self-control” -Galatians 5:22-23
“For the grace of God... teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age” -Titus 2:11-13
“Teach me your way, Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name” -Psalm 86:11
Now, these verses are great when I've got my fight on...other times I feel like Paul...
“I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do” -Romans 7:18-19
Haha! Really and truly God has given me the grace to stay strong. I've only cheated once! ;) My desire is to live a healthy life for my kids and my husband, and to demonstrate self control and self discipline. So- I will overcome! And hopefully along the way I will continue to feel better, drop weight, and gain a new healthy lifestyle!
Thanks for reading!
So- for starters I am NOT a fan of "diets" so I was extremely skeptical when my mother in law pointed this particular one out to me. Since I am not a fan of the word or the concept, I am choosing to call this a "cleanse" because essentially that's what I am doing. Some spring cleaning! Monday, I hurled myself into the pits of hell (ok, maybe I am exaggerating- but the first few days were terrible!!) and I started Dr. Oz's 2 week rapid weight loss diet. Don't turn your nose up at the name like I first did...bear with me. So here are my reasons for even giving this a try.
#1- I am overweight. Whether I like to admit it or not, and no matter what my friends and family may say, I am heavier then I care to be. I desire a more fit, toned, and trim me. Therefore, I knew I needed to do something, I just needed to find the will power to do it.
#2- I am dealing with horrible stomach issues. I have always semi suffered in this area, but this past year has just been terrible. I am nauseous all day every day, which requires me to lay down on the couch for short periods sometimes as many as 6 or 7 times a day just to get through. It's worse in the evenings which results in me missing out on awesome family time because I am in the bathroom and hugging a bucket. Every. Single. Night. Folks. It's beyond old. I was first diagnosed with acid reflux- which we now know is not the case. I am still undergoing tests to try and locate a problem (so i'm not necessarily looking for diagnosis on this post. :p) but in the meantime I have honestly been praying about what I can do to help, since there doesn't seem to be any obvious triggers. When I read over this "cleanse" I thought to myself- "What a great chance to discipline myself to eat clean, and cut out all the junk." So...I went to the store, bought everything I would need and got started.
So here is a sneak peek into my day, generally speaking.
7 am- Wake UP
8 am- Sip on a cup of hot water with a 1/2 of lemon
Drink my breakfast shake (recipe is on Dr. Oz website)
Take multi vitamin and probiotic
10:30 am- Snack (usually a fresh veggie, cucumber, pepper, carrots, etc. with
plain hummus.)
1:00 pm- HUGE salad with fresh veggies, avocado, and balsamic vinaigrette.
3:30 pm- Handful of nuts, a cup of vegetable broth
5:30 pm- 6 oz protein, 1/2 cup of brown rice and unlimited low glycemic
veggies. (veggie list is on Dr. Oz website)
7:00 pm- 1 cup of plain greek yogurt.
Drink Green Tea (unsweetened) and water throughout the day.
Nothing to eat after 8 pm.
That's the jist. I switch the veggies up day to day, and try to get creative with my dinner. Tonight I am going to attempt spaghetti squash with seasoned chicken, sauteed mushrooms, zucchini, and onion on top. It's all about change. I can't eat a salad everyday for the next 2 weeks or so. I just can't.
So here's what I am finding:
I have not been sick since I started eating this way! Which tells me- I am allergic to something I am taking in on a day to day basis.
I have lost 4 pounds!
Win-Win if you ask me.
This is not saying that I will never treat myself to a "sweet treat" every now and then or any of that. I just know that it will not kill me to eat this way for a couple weeks, and really even a lifetime. It's amazing how when we eat clean, we feel sooooo much better. Now that I am on day 5 it is starting to get a bit easier. I won't lie those first couple of days were awful. I mean terrible. I was going through sugar withdrawls like crazy. For those of you who know me personally, you know how much I LOVE my coffee. Like to the tune of almost a whole pot a day...yeah, I haven't had any all week, but my energy levels are so much better. To boot- my sleep is amazing! Bye-bye insomnia and hello, I am ready to crash by 9:30pm! Over all I am feeling so amazing.
Now can I get a little spiritual on you? Another reason I did this was basically just for the self-discipline. I think it's good for us to deny ourselves things from time to time, just to remind ourselves that we don't have to have everything we want. Nor is everything we want, good for us. I was quite crabby the first few days, because I was fiening for chocolate, a cheeseburger, and coffee. It was a battlefield up in my mind, let me tell ya!! I was telling myself all sorts of things to convince myself I didn't need to make these changes- but I overcame!! Really and truly self indulging (on a daily basis) is a lack of self control...isn't that a fruit of the spirit? It may not feel good, but I have to make myself deny myself. Does that make sense? Here's a couple of my go to verses:
“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline,” -2 Timothy 1:7.
“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace...gentleness and self-control” -Galatians 5:22-23
“For the grace of God... teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age” -Titus 2:11-13
“Teach me your way, Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name” -Psalm 86:11
Now, these verses are great when I've got my fight on...other times I feel like Paul...
“I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do” -Romans 7:18-19
Haha! Really and truly God has given me the grace to stay strong. I've only cheated once! ;) My desire is to live a healthy life for my kids and my husband, and to demonstrate self control and self discipline. So- I will overcome! And hopefully along the way I will continue to feel better, drop weight, and gain a new healthy lifestyle!
Thanks for reading!
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Kids say the darndst things...Especially mine.
My, oh my. It has been so long since I have sat down at my computer to "blog". I have to admit I do miss it- so even though my mind is thinking of a million different things that my body should be doing right now, I will demand it to stay focused. I can't promise it will make any sense, my mind is in a state of stupidity. Want an example? D forgot his work keys this morning and needed me to bring them to him. I loaded up all the kids specifically heading to town to complete this ONE task, and 1/2 way there I remembered that I had forgotten the keys. Surely I can't be alone in these silly acts. What happens to our brains? I mean seriously, somedays I feel like I should be admitted somewhere. Then again, some days, a padded, quiet cell would be a really great idea. Anyway, today, let's talk about how kids say the darndst things!
Yesterday while changing little Pip's diaper, I almost lost my life. I opened that thing up and the most pungent, rotten, who-ha smell slapped me across my face. Without going into to much detail about my poor child's unmentionable, I knew we needed to seek out some help from the doctor. So I called and scheduled the appointment. I've been having some doctor appointments for myself here recently and have pretty much exhausted my childcare resources, so I knew I was going to have to tow everyone along. We charged their tablets, got dressed in our finest sweatpants and headed out. I was so proud that while I was at the window checking in my kids were sitting so quietly and politely. They were getting along great and playing on their tablets. (*side note* Is it just me or does every other momma out there feel judgmental glaring eyes when you mention your kiddos with technology? I try my best to limit their time, and feel they still have great imaginations, but sometimes Kindle fires and Dora episodes are great babysitters...and hey, we all need a break from time to time! Be free from the guilt and shame my fellow kid wranglers!) Back to my story- I should have learned by now in life that as soon as my heart begins to swell, and I get an insy-winsy tiny bit prideful about my kids, the fall comes soon after. Today it was in the form of a little person. I turned around just in time to see him walk in the office door, sporting his rather large bum da bum, and prayed to the good Lord in heaven that Micah's eyes would stay glued to his screen. Every mom knows this situation. We've all been in it. The panic that instantly attacks us when thinking "Oh my, what are they going to say? And how loud are they going to say it?" There were roughly 30 other chairs open in the waiting room on this particular day, but to that guy none looked quite as inviting as the chair that was right. in. front. of. batman. Yup. That was the lucky seat. I hurried to find a seat next to batman thinking distraction and some good defense was my only chance at avoiding an embarrassing situation. Then, batman looked up. He locked eyes with that sweet, little man sitting across from him, then casually looked back down at his tablet. I thought to myself, well that was easy. But again, I thought to soon! His little head flew back up in the air, and he quickly exclaimed, "Momma! Look at the man!" I laugh because we have all been there, but this is also when I pray to God that I don't fail these awesome teachable moments. I leaned in close and said, "Batman, look around, is there anyone else in this room that looks just like you?" He looked around and quietly said "No." So I continued to explain, "Exactly! Jesus is so cool and creative that He made us all look so different! That's what makes you Batman, and that's what makes that man, that man! Jesus loves all of us, and he thinks he made us all perfect, and special! How cool is that??!" He agreed it was pretty cool, and the I am assuming the mom of our little man friend gave me a wink and a smile, and mouthed the words, "Thank you" to me. It warmed my heart. Now before you go thinking I am all perfect and blah, blah, blah. Batman did quickly forget our conversation and tried to call his sisters attention to our new friend to which I wasn't so nice and Christ like. I grabbed his finger, squeezed real hard, gave him my best "mom look", and said through gritted teeth, "Not another word!". Did that scare you? Can you just hear my tone? It did the trick.
So I feel this need to always look put together, and clean, and stylish when I go to the doctors office. I don't know why, I just do. So what happened next was also very humbling. I think while I am writing this post God is showing me exactly why he blessed our family with Batman, he is so good at keeping us all humble...and dying laughing! Here's what happened:
Batman: "Umm, Mrs. Doctor, I've been here before. I have."
Doctor: "Wow, that's really cool!"
Batman: "Yep. Hey, you wike my sweatshirt?"
Doctor: "I sure do! Virginia Cavaliers- that's awesome."
Batman: "Yep. You see dis white stuff right here?"
Doctor: "Yes..."
Batman: "Yeah, dat's some bird poop."
Great. That's just great son. I didn't even know how to cover that one up. I'm pretty sure it was just the white salty stuff off the side of our van- but I can't even be positive. Kids are just awesome.
Well, I am going to do my best at staying in this blogging world, I really am! I must go get lunch ready for my kiddos. Hang in there mommas, you are amazing. You work really hard all day long, and your kids listen to you more then you are aware. Slow down and take the time to help them see the beauty in something that looks a little different today...
Peace, Love, and PB&J.
Laura
Yesterday while changing little Pip's diaper, I almost lost my life. I opened that thing up and the most pungent, rotten, who-ha smell slapped me across my face. Without going into to much detail about my poor child's unmentionable, I knew we needed to seek out some help from the doctor. So I called and scheduled the appointment. I've been having some doctor appointments for myself here recently and have pretty much exhausted my childcare resources, so I knew I was going to have to tow everyone along. We charged their tablets, got dressed in our finest sweatpants and headed out. I was so proud that while I was at the window checking in my kids were sitting so quietly and politely. They were getting along great and playing on their tablets. (*side note* Is it just me or does every other momma out there feel judgmental glaring eyes when you mention your kiddos with technology? I try my best to limit their time, and feel they still have great imaginations, but sometimes Kindle fires and Dora episodes are great babysitters...and hey, we all need a break from time to time! Be free from the guilt and shame my fellow kid wranglers!) Back to my story- I should have learned by now in life that as soon as my heart begins to swell, and I get an insy-winsy tiny bit prideful about my kids, the fall comes soon after. Today it was in the form of a little person. I turned around just in time to see him walk in the office door, sporting his rather large bum da bum, and prayed to the good Lord in heaven that Micah's eyes would stay glued to his screen. Every mom knows this situation. We've all been in it. The panic that instantly attacks us when thinking "Oh my, what are they going to say? And how loud are they going to say it?" There were roughly 30 other chairs open in the waiting room on this particular day, but to that guy none looked quite as inviting as the chair that was right. in. front. of. batman. Yup. That was the lucky seat. I hurried to find a seat next to batman thinking distraction and some good defense was my only chance at avoiding an embarrassing situation. Then, batman looked up. He locked eyes with that sweet, little man sitting across from him, then casually looked back down at his tablet. I thought to myself, well that was easy. But again, I thought to soon! His little head flew back up in the air, and he quickly exclaimed, "Momma! Look at the man!" I laugh because we have all been there, but this is also when I pray to God that I don't fail these awesome teachable moments. I leaned in close and said, "Batman, look around, is there anyone else in this room that looks just like you?" He looked around and quietly said "No." So I continued to explain, "Exactly! Jesus is so cool and creative that He made us all look so different! That's what makes you Batman, and that's what makes that man, that man! Jesus loves all of us, and he thinks he made us all perfect, and special! How cool is that??!" He agreed it was pretty cool, and the I am assuming the mom of our little man friend gave me a wink and a smile, and mouthed the words, "Thank you" to me. It warmed my heart. Now before you go thinking I am all perfect and blah, blah, blah. Batman did quickly forget our conversation and tried to call his sisters attention to our new friend to which I wasn't so nice and Christ like. I grabbed his finger, squeezed real hard, gave him my best "mom look", and said through gritted teeth, "Not another word!". Did that scare you? Can you just hear my tone? It did the trick.
So I feel this need to always look put together, and clean, and stylish when I go to the doctors office. I don't know why, I just do. So what happened next was also very humbling. I think while I am writing this post God is showing me exactly why he blessed our family with Batman, he is so good at keeping us all humble...and dying laughing! Here's what happened:
Batman: "Umm, Mrs. Doctor, I've been here before. I have."
Doctor: "Wow, that's really cool!"
Batman: "Yep. Hey, you wike my sweatshirt?"
Doctor: "I sure do! Virginia Cavaliers- that's awesome."
Batman: "Yep. You see dis white stuff right here?"
Doctor: "Yes..."
Batman: "Yeah, dat's some bird poop."
Great. That's just great son. I didn't even know how to cover that one up. I'm pretty sure it was just the white salty stuff off the side of our van- but I can't even be positive. Kids are just awesome.
Well, I am going to do my best at staying in this blogging world, I really am! I must go get lunch ready for my kiddos. Hang in there mommas, you are amazing. You work really hard all day long, and your kids listen to you more then you are aware. Slow down and take the time to help them see the beauty in something that looks a little different today...
Peace, Love, and PB&J.
Laura
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