Farts ARE funny.

Farts are funny. They just are. I mean seriously, what momma out there doesn't let out at least a little chuckle when their little one(s) "rip" a good one? I know I do. In fact just this morning, Batman let one loose on the bar stool at breakfast. He was pushing for it, and between his force and the wood of the stool, he made some magic. M girl's eyes looked as though they would pop out of her head, and Batman reaches out to high five her and says, "wow! Dat was a big one!!" I love the giggles and happiness that filled our kitchen at that moment. I leaned back against the counter, breathed in my fresh cup of coffee, took a sip, and for a moment escaped to some perfect world. Just for a moment though, the gas continued to come and as you can imagine eventually led to the first diaper change of the morning. Now, don't get all "mommy judgmental" on me. Yes, Batman is still in diapers! I've been trying! However, if you feel as though you could get the kid to go on the potty, I wouldn't stop you from trying, Good Luck. He goes when he wants to go, and if he doesn't want to go, forget about it! Who can blame him really? It's the one area of his life that he has complete control over at this stage in the game, and he knows it. Let's face it, I can make him sit on the potty for hours but, if he chooses to hold it, he wins! I know he enjoys it because he smiles, constantly. It's like dangling a doughnut in front of my face all day long. Every diaper change "mommy, dis is soo distusting. I should do dis on da potty." It would drive me insane if I let it, so I have resolved to ignore it all together. Bad parenting method?? Perhaps. If he's 10 and still in diapers, I will consider therapy. Anyway, back to farting, er...passing gas. My mom hates the word fart. I can feel her evil eyes, and disappointed face glaring at me every time I type it. A friend sent me a hilarious story this week. Long story short, her daughter thought she had peed her pants since she saw a little wet spot in her unders. (she's prego! Cut her some slack!) Her little one was moved to almost tears, saying "mommy, it's ok that you peed your pants a little. Next time let's just not wait so long. Ok, mommy?" Oh, how sweet! We laughed so hard over this little story, but noticed that other "well seasoned" ladies didn't really seem to laugh. That got us thinking...why do we as moms have such a twisted sense of humor? Well I guess i'm dragging the rest of you mommas down into the ditch with me. I know I have a weird sense of humor, but how could I not. If I didn't laugh about being pooped on, puked on, etc then I would probably end up in a padded room. It's life. Let's face it, we moms are pros at diaper explosions at the most in-oppurtune times, singing the itsy-bitsy spider and playing catch while we ourselves are trying to "eliminate waste", the list goes on. So my advice to you today...LAUGH. Just laugh about it, because as the saying goes...sh*t happens!

A Happy Day of Mothering

We celebrated our Mother's Day this year on Saturday. It was nice, the kids gave me cards and all kinds of homemade gifts, and D bought me a chicken coop and plants for my garden. Yes, that's what I wanted. Flowers are beautiful, and of course I love to receive them, but I am a realist when it comes to flowers...they are expensive, and they die. I'm not much of a jewelry person, and when it comes to handbags, a cute Target clearance will suffice. But, the thought of fresh eggs, chickens for my kids to play with, and a flourishing garden...now that gets me excited! We had a lovely cook out with the family, and I was able to spend part of the day with my mom since she was in town. It was great. All that being said, we woke up on Sunday morning and D was getting ready to head to church (it was his Sunday to lead worship). He was also leaving that day for some training for work and would not be back until Thursday, bummer! The kids still had a few chicken pox that weren't quite scabbed over so, we stayed behind, hanging out in our pj's. D needed some clothes washed so he could pack for his upcoming trip, so I started a load of laundry. For some reason as soon as I open the washing machine and start loading it, I enter "cleaning mode". By the time I sat down on the couch at 10:30 (am) to have a cup of coffee I had finished 4 loads of laundry, unloaded, reloaded, started, and unloaded the dishwasher, swept the floors, vacuumed AND straightened the kids rooms. I took a sip of my coffee, grabbed the iPad and logged onto Facebook. Big Mistake. I was immediately sent spiraling downward into a pit of self pity. Reading everyone's status' about how they were enjoying their day, all the gifts they were getting, oh and the best part, the pictures! The pictures of the mothers with their children all dressed up and looking nice. And there I sat. In my pajamas, a headband wrapped around my wild, greasy hair, and the buzzer on the dryer going off. I was arguing back and forth in my head with myself. "Oh stop! You celebrated yesterday, today is just another day." and "Yeah, but TODAY is mother's day, and look at me. I'm disgusting and i'm working my butt off!" The kids started fighting so I logged off, and broke up the fight. I then plopped back down on the couch and immediately started reflecting. I was faced with a choice. I can be bitter, impatient, upset, and ungrateful for the day we had yesterday. -OR- I can be happy that I am able to be at home with the very beings that gave me the title of "mom", mothering them and nursing them back to health in love. I pulled out my bible and started reading and journaling. God spoke to me in such a still, loving voice and I was flooded with love and peace. 

Proverbs 31:10-31:

10 "A wife (mom) of noble character who can find? 

    She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her

    and lacks nothing of value. 

12 She brings him good, not harm,

    all the days of her life.

13 She selects wool and flax

    and works with eager hands. 

14 She is like the merchant ships,

    bringing her food from afar.

15 She gets up while it is still night;

    she provides food for her family

    and portions for her female servants.

16 She considers a field and buys it;

    out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She sets about her work vigorously;

    her arms are strong for her tasks.

18 She sees that her trading is profitable,

    and her lamp does not go out at night.

19 In her hand she holds the distaff

    and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

20 She opens her arms to the poor

    and extends her hands to the needy. 

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;

    for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for her bed;

    she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,

    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,

    and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;

    she can laugh at the days to come.

26 She speaks with wisdom,

    and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 

27 She watches over the affairs of her household

    and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;

    her husband also, and he praises her:

29 “Many women do noble things,

    but you surpass them all.”

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,

    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

So, I decided to be thankful. Thankful that God has blessed me with these incredible little people I get to mother. Thankful that I am blessed with an incredible husband who honors me day in and day out, not just on special occasions. I realized that sacrificing for my children, and caring for them, shows them this love I have for them is unconditional. I also realized that stopping myself, and taking the time to sit down with God's word and my journal is the very thing that will allow them to one day "arise and call me blessed". So we cuddled. Me in my pj's, Batman and lil Pip in their diapers, and M girl in an oversized T shirt. We watched The Little Rascals for the 12,323543,4356436th time, and it was probably my best Mother's Day yet. :)  

Chicken Pox. (enough said)

I've been a mom now for almost 6 years. (That's just crazy when I think about it!) From the day M girl was born I've always had this fear in the back of my mind, you know, one of those fears that you think, "Oh my! If this were to happen, what. would. I. do?!" As i'm sure you have guessed from the title of this blog, that fear is WAS the chicken pox. The thought of itchy red bumps everywhere, fevers, and trying to convince little fingers to not scratch, it was very intimidating. However, I am a living testimony...there is still life after chicken pox!! :) And actually, it's a dang good life, knowing I will never have to deal with them again. (Well, at least in my older two kids.) So far lil Pip has seemed to dodge the dreadful disease, I was kinda hoping she would go ahead and get it over with but, so goes life. It all started a couple Sundays ago, I thought Batman was getting a couple pimples on his face from sweating so much. Then a few more showed up on his stomach, and it hit me what was happening. Then just a couple days later M girl started getting a little spotted as well. Is it sick of me to say they were actually quite cute with all their little polka dots. :) M girl had one right on the end of her nose, I claimed that one as my favorite. She wasn't amused. So basically it's been two solid weeks of literally waking up, not leaving the house, showering (every other day...or so) and getting right back into pajamas. I had asked M girl to take the dog out one evening and didn't realize Batman had escaped with her. Yeah, I look out the window to see them standing at the end of the driveway, (Batman only in a diaper) calling the neighbor kids over to play! I was horrified. I ran to the door to call them back inside since the kids next door were making their way over, and about that time I hear, "NO! GET BACK OVER HERE!" Oh my! My poor neighbor, she is such a good sport when it comes to all of our craziness over here, and i'm sure was having a mini heart attack at the sight of her kiddos almost making contact with my infectious kiddos. *shew* That was a close one. I herded my unclean children back into the house feeling ashamed I had let them "escape"! :) D did take me to Lowe's one evening to get some plants, I needed out of the house. As we were climbing in the car he said, "Wow babe! You look great!" I blushed and replied, "well thanks, it's just a t-shirt and jeans." And of course, you know i'm thinking...I guess I can make anything look good! Then he says "yeah, but I think it's the first I've seen you with a bra on all week!" I opened my mouth to argue, but what was my argument?? It was true! So we had a good laugh and set out for the store. While eating dinner, there was a couple with four kids sitting across from us. They kept looking over at us lovingly through out the evening and commenting to their kids "yes, they have a baby. Babies grow up so fast, and soon will be as big as you!" I knew they were thinking "How CUTE! Their first baby!" Every time we go out on dates lil Pip is in tow since she is nursing and refuses a bottle up to this point. Without fail at least one person asks, "Is she your first?" Guess we still look young, that's a good thing right?? Anyway...during the course of the meal, I nursed lil Pip and while she was eating she filled her diaper up! I knew it was bad, because my leg started feeling reallllly warm. Yep, sure enough, she exploded all up her back. No worries though! I have a change of clothes in my diaper bag, I am ALWAYS prepared. Off to the bathroom we go. Long story short, Batman likes to "unload" my diaper bag, and he apparently had worked his magic at some point during the day so I was left with a burp cloth and a bib. What's a mom to do?? I'll tell ya! Remove the poop filled onesie, tuck a burp cloth in the back of the poo stained pants, and slap a bib on her to at least cover the "girls"! Poor lil Pip! I wrapped a blanket around her and returned to the table. D is staring at me and inquires about her nakedness, while the other family still watches us with their "perfect family" smiles. We end up leaving together, and as we are loading up in D's mom's red sporty Toyota Matrix (that we borrowed for the evening to save on gas), we hear "aww. I remember those days." We smiled and continued on, all the while thinking in our heads: "Don't let us fool you. The truth is, the reason our daughter has no clothes on is because our 2 year old is into everything and unloads the diaper bag on a regular basis, we have a 5 year old too. They aren't with us tonight because they have the chicken pox. We haven't been out of the house in 5 days, and we drive a mini van that honestly smells kinda funny, actually really funny." SO anyway, about those pox...we survived. I knew we would. Some days were rough, but we pulled through. Now D is gone for training for his work, so I'm on my own for four days. I'm thinking we will survive that too, but, I'll let you know-hopefully. :)

Three kids, Me, and the Dog.

I wish I could have a night vision camera in my bedroom on nights that D is either working or away. My kids have this way of knowing when he is absent, even if he sneaks out at 1 am to go to work, they know. It must be some internal instinct, it wakes them from a dead sleep, "Daddy's Gone! Get. in. bed. with. mommy." I know why they do it though. When D is home, if they come get into our bed, he can only handle it for about 5 minutes, then he hauls them back to their bed, tucks them in, and even through their tears demands them to stay. I know it sounds terrible doesn't it?? It makes me feel terrible! I hate it when it's happening, my motherly instincts rage. Not enough of course to make me get out of bed, over ride D's decision, (which would result in a fight at 2 am) and put them back in my bed...but still, I don't like to hear my kids cry. Here's the thing: I am glad he does it most nights, otherwise I would get NO sleep at all, then we would allllll suffer the next day. Now grant it, if they are really afraid, or sick he has mercy and will make them a bed on our floor, or sleep on their floors, he really is a top notch daddy. He is the logical brains of our operation. Mommy instincts have a way of making "us momma's" flat out crazy sometimes. To me, every time they cry in the middle of the night it MUST be because they have had some horrific nightmare, are scared to death, and think they might die. D says "Babe, they are fine!" I say "If we don't go now they will be scarred for life!!" (kinda) This happened just a couple weeks ago, we got into quite the argument (at 2 am) because I was nursing the baby, Batman was screaming, and D was sleeping away! I was so angry thinking it was a nightmare and he had to be terrified. D wasn't convinced. He finally got up to go check and turns out Batman woke up, and didn't like his pillowcase. :-/ Oops. Anyway, all this to say, I am WAY to tired and out of it in the middle of the night to walk them each back to their respective beds, re-tuck them in, fetch a sip of water, re-tuck them in, then be "woman enough" to walk away ignoring their cries and begs to come back to my bed. I just can't make myself do it. So instead, I deal with flying arms, legs and massive heads all night long. Let me tell you something. I love my kids to the moon and back, but when I am laying half asleep on my pillow and they throw their massive heads backwards only to land right on my face, it takes every ounce of restraint I have to not knock them to the moon and back! There has been more than one black eye, in our house because of this. (Notice the size of batman's dome, then add in a healthy dose of 2 year old little boy energy and you'll understand.) The way my nose has cracked on some occasions, I come up for air swearing that it's broken, but so far the Lord has spared me a crooked nose. He knows what we can handle. Having extra baby weight, and always wearing a pony tail is good enough, a crooked nose would probably throw me over the edge. Bottom line, I love having my babies close, as annoying and potentially dangerous as it may be I like having them next to me. I'm thinking the search for a california king starts now...